Expectations vs. Reality

A few months ago I had the opportunity to see a movie entitled "500 Days of Summer." Basically it is a boy meets girl story with a twist. At one point in the movie it shows the main guy character going to a party. It compares his expectations to reality. His expectations are way off and in the end he is disappointed.
I was thinking the other day about how often that happens to me. Either I'm disappointed or pleasantly surprised because my expectations are wrong. I have this funny idea that if I try to imagine how an event will turn out (usually in a way that everything would fall into place) it never happens that way. So I try not to daydream which inevitably causes me to daydream more. :)
unfortunately this week I had one of those moments. My trip that I was blogging about in earlier posts has been cancelled. This is due to a few people dropping out so we no longer had the funding to support the trip. It is very heartbreaking because I had all these silly day dreams of being in Mexico for two weeks. Spending time with the people there, learning how to serve people who I probably couldn't even communicate with and just being with some friends I hadn't seen in a while. I was really frustrated with the people who didn't stay committed to the trip. I was even frustrated with my Dad because he kept saying how it was a good thing because of all the turmoil in Mexico. It was one of those moments that I just didn't want to hear common sense, I'd rather just sulk in pity.
Why is it that our expectations are almost always off whether good or bad? The only thing I can come up with right now is either to keep us on our toes and surprised by life or to keep us humble. To help us realize that somehow our expectations aren't the right size for that specific moment. Maybe I lost this experience because I need to consult more with my Heavenly Father about what he really wants me to do and where he wants me to go. Or maybe it was just kind of a kick in the pants to help me realize that I am interested in humanitarian work and that since this one didn't work out it will just motivate me to work that much harder for other opportunities that come my way. Also I guess it is possible my Dad is right about it being too dangerous. I don't know I guess time will just tell. What I do know, though, is that sulking never got anyone anywhere so I thought I'd blog about it instead. :)

The Good Ol' Bunk Bed Days

Growing up, sleep wasn't my favorite past time. Don't get me wrong, I loved to sleep. It was just the process of getting there that set my nerves on end. Primarily it was the fact that I was terrified of having bad dreams. I remember sitting by my door and crying just loud enough for mom and dad to hear so they would call me into their room to help me get over my fear. After a few years I was able to get past this fear, but a whole new obstacle presented itself in the form of my little sister, Saydie. We shared a room, which was wonderful because we had bunk beds, but she had this lovely habit of not wanting to sleep. Especially when I most wanted to sleep. She would talk, and talk, and ask me to stay awake till at least she fell asleep. I usually would promise that I would stay awake, but end up falling asleep anyways. Sometimes it was quite a frustrating process to get to sleep.
These past two years when I've come home for the summer I'm amazed at how much my younger siblings have grown and how much can change in a few short months. The other night I was able to come home from work and talk to Saydie for a few minutes about life and such and it reminded me of the good old bunk bed days. I love my family and can't believe how blessed I am to have such a fun and kooky one. :)

Super Senior Prom

One of the greatest joys about being home is that I have been able to get my old job back at the assisted living facility that I worked at last year. So I get to see a lot of the old folks that I helped care for last summer. A few of them have passed away, but there are some of the same and the new ones are just as fun to get to know.
Yesterday was a lot of fun because the facility hosted a senior prom for the residents. Hillcrest high school students also came to dance with and get to know the residents. It was so much fun to see some of the residents get asked to dance and to see how their faces just lit up. It took me back to when I was able to go to high school dances. I can't believe that it is already two years ago! It was so much fun to get all dressed up and wait in anticipation for your date to pick you up (especially if you really liked the guy :) The dances were usually silly, held in the cafeteria of the high school with a bunch of kids attempting to dance and a few succeeding. Feeling like Cinderella as you look into the blue eyes of your prince charming. haha I miss it now and wish that I could go back and whisper in the younger me's ear, 'enjoy this moment, really live it, 'cause it goes by fast.'
Unfortunately time travel hasn't been invented yet so I will have to settle with committing myself to work harder to live in the moment now so that I won't ever need to remind myself of how precious a commodity time is. That way if I ever get the opportunity to dance at an assisted living facility with a young whipper-snapper I will be able to show as much joy, if not more, on my face as the sweet residents showed me last night.

Dashed Dream = A Blessing in Disguise?

One of my lifelong dreams has been to take a trip to Paris. A few months ago this seemed like it was going to come to fruition and I would be able to finally fulfill one of my bucket list goals. Yet as I began to plan the trip with some of my friends I kept having this nagging feeling that I was doing something wrong. Nothing seemed out of place. We had safe plans, we were going with a group, and I could afford it. I was kinda frustrated about my feelings. Then I found that the trip would land right on finals week. I would have a day to take all my finals. What I didn't realize then was that taking my finals all in one day was what I would end up doing anyway. At the time I used that as an excuse to back out of the trip. I was pretty bummed, but I figured that I would eventually get another chance to go.
The funny thing is that I have only now come to realize just how good of a choice it was to back out of the trip. I don't know if you have been watching the news, but a volcano has been exploding in Europe stopping all plane traffic. My group that I was going with to Europe have been stranded in a part of Romania and if I had continued with my traveling plans I would have arrived in Paris all alone. I was going to meet them in Paris when they flew out of Romania on the 17th. In hindsight I am very glad that I chose to back out of the trip because now I have the opportunity to go to Mexico and learn how to build a home to help an impoverished family. Woot! Kinda interesting that the dashing of my dream was a blessing in disguise and the opening of other opportunities. So next time a dream is thrown out the window just think it could be because a greater one is just around the corner, you just can't see it yet.

"Two eggs, fold in gently."

My Cartoon Character

Waking up at four AM in order to clean up after other people makes for a very boring job, unless you get to work with crazy people. Luckily I have this opportunity and one such person is my friend, Kristy. We were assigned the extra jobs of cleaning drinking fountains and washing windows. A fairly boring job so we began to assign cartoon characters to each of the people we work with. When it came to decide who I was Kristy siad I was like the fairy on sleeping beauty, Fauna. This made me very happy although the reason she thought I was like her is because she is kind of clueless. Ha ha So I've attatched a clip of my cartoon character counterpart. :)

A Wink and a Smile

The other day in my psychology class I learned about a study that was performed to see if simply doing the facial expression of a smile would make an individual happier. In order to keep the tester unaware of the experimenters' purpose they had the individual put a pencil in their mouth and read comics. The first time they read them with their lips closed and the second they had to read them griping the pencil in their teeth so it was like they were smiling. On average the person was happier, if only subtly.
I decided to try something along the same lines. I walked around campus and would smile at people. It was actually quite entertaining how some people reacted. The average person would smile back and continue to smile as they walked away. Then there would be the person who would continue their intense study of their feet. Or the individual that wouldn't smile, but dart their eyes at me in a confused expression and look away. Finally I would get the guys who wouldn't smile, but just as they were about to walk past they would mutter a quick nervous 'how are you.' I was rewarded today for smiling at people because not only did I get a cute guy to smile back, but he said how are you, as well. :) So I believe my experiment was a success in the fact that I have become happier by smiling.
I've been pondering on whether to take my experiment one step further and actually wink at a guy, but as of yet I lack the courage. My ponderings have been along these lines, "If I wink at a guy what do I say if he asks for my number and I don't want to give it?....Maybe that I'm conducting a social experiment and can't give out my personal information....Maybe I can just wink at guys who have girlfriends, then they won't make a move.....but would that make me a home wrecker?....Also what happens if their girlfriend happens to be in one of my future classes and has to be my partner...." So maybe I'll just stick with the smiling. At least this way I know I won't get beat up by an upset girlfriend for trying to make a move on her guy.

Shucks, it's Hard to be Humble

I know it blows the mind that I am posting for the third time in one week, but I've just had the desire to write lately. So I've recently had an epiphany. I am extremely confident in myself, sometimes to the excess. I was walking across campus the other day and I was thinking about ballet and how it has benefited my life. My thoughts went something like this,
"It's helped with my posture and grace...hmmm since I am graceful and have good posture I must look really good when I walk." There is only one word for this, "wow." A piece of humble pie would probably be very appropriate.
I think having confidence in yourself is good, to an extent. You don't have to always be searching for validation from other sources. I know who I am and frankly I am very happy with myself and confident in my abilities. If I ever cross the line, though, from the realms of my mind to lauding my perceived 'amazingness' on those around me then I will have gone too far and may need a few packages of humble pie.
I told my friend, Cindy, about this discovery of my cockiness and we found the wonderful song Shucks it is hard to be humble. If you have time you should look it up, it makes for a very diverting few minutes and I think the song may have been written about me ha ha. So, yes world I definitely don't lack for confidence, but I'm happy and that's what matters, right?

The Key to Happiness

Happiness. Such a simple word, but such a difficult thing to find for so many people. I had the opportunity this semester to take a creative writing class that, surprisingly, taught me more than just techniques to become a better writer. On the last day of class my professor lectured us not on being successful and rich because of our writing, but on finding happiness. He talked about a man, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (I know crazy name), who went all over the world searching for the key to happiness and then wrote a book called "Flow". What he found was surprising. Those who should be happy because of riches or success often weren't. Those who shouldn't be happy because of poverty and trials were. Before jumping to the conclusion that you have to be poor in order to be happy Mihaly also said there were hundreds of people in between that were exceptions to these findings.
So what's the point? If there are hundreds of exceptions maybe there isn't a one sure way to happiness. Yet, Mihaly believed the key was actually work. You strive toward a goal that will not just be for you, but for the greater good. It can't be an easy goal, either, it has to stretch you to your limits. You find happiness in living not just for yourself, but to benefit those around you.
This made me think of missionaries. Almost any missionary you talk to will often say that they loved their mission, but in the same sentence they will probably say it was the hardest two years of their life. My conclusion from this is that Mihaly was right. These missionaries were constantly striving to help those around them come to know of the love of their Heavenly Father and it was hard. But because it was hard they truly appreciated the work and joy that came from their efforts. They reached true happiness. Quoting Mihaly, "The best moments usually occur when a persons body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile." So in a sense everyone has the key to happiness, we just need to do the work and turn it.

Updates, Updates, and more updates

Professor Newell rubbed his brow, removed his glasses and reread the few lines I had written. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, knit his eyebrows together and then spoke the terrifying words. "I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say." Not the best words to hear from your creative writing professor. Especially when you have put your heart and soul into a piece of work, yet I still love that class and I continue to have hope of amazing my professor with my brilliance. haha. One day I will have an actual book in print with my name on it and my words in it or at least a column containing my thoughts.
So if you haven't realized it yet, I have changed my major. A pretty grand leap from the medical field to humanities. I've always enjoyed writing, but my talent hasn't extended beyond simple stories from my imagination as exemplified by my professors' confusion. Though, I plan to keep trying and enjoy trying in the process. Along with changing my major I've also become involved in a humanitarian trip to Mexico and am in the process of trying to raise money in order to go. So if you are at all able to donate that would be fantastic. :) On another note I was actually involved in a relationshipa while ago, a short one, but a relationship nonetheless. Crazy, huh? His name is Sam and he is in my Spanish class. Since we split we haven't really been on speaking terms. It makes for an interesting class. Well these are all my updates and I will attempt to be a more diligent writer in the future.